D'ranged cupid
About us
Our mission at D'ranged Cupid is to entertain while creating an environment of our uncomfortable laughter. We are not your typical singing telegram business, so buyer beware. If you are trying to send a message of love to our victim, you might want to keep shopping. I was hoping with such a name for a business it wouldn't need an explanation, but you would be surprised!!! If you have a sibling that has been under your skin your entire life or would like to test the boundaries of your Bromance and take it to the next level, we are for you! We look forward to setting the bar low for the rest of your relationship.
What we will do
Love is in the air and we are here to make you seem like your not the worst option. In order to assure that status we will send your love our top guy, Valentine Octavius Graham, Val O. Graham for short. He will begin by begrudgingly locating your loved one... I mean victim. Once located he will make introductions and begin by passing on the message of your choosing (you might want to apologize in advance). He will then begin crooning at your victim while perched upon the chocolates he will later present as a gift from you. He will then start rifling through his stuff to find a welders mask and as he puts it on My Pony will begin playing as he goes into the Magic Mike spoof strip tease (somewhat appropriate attire will be worn). Lastly, Val will present chocolates that are not smashed and leave as All by Myself begins to play as he exits.
Valentine Octavius Graham Bio
Valentine is a down on love Cupid as he was recently engaged to a Nigerian Princess before being dumped by her/him as he was catfished after sending $3K for a 23 and Me Royal Edition DNA test to prove her Royal Ancestry. He spends the week before Valentine's Day spiraling out of control chronicling his decline on Facebook before deciding that he will take his vengeance out by ruining Valentine's Day for everyone since he couldn't have his happily ever after.